Dora
Hi my name is Dora.
Welcome to my story and how I live with anxiety.
​I’m actually not sure why my anxiety was triggered by big crowds. Sometimes I think it’s all those uncertainties; I don’t have control. Sometimes I think about what I meet some one I know all of a certain, just feeling seen, when I’m trying to do something else. Maybe related to thinking of what they would think of me. That I don’t have my shit together.
I used to live at Blågårds gade, and I took another route away from the street, because I knew I would meet someone in the street. The bigger crowd, the bigger certainty of meeting some one. It might be specific groups or people, I know, who triggered something in me. Could be something they did that hurt me.
​
If I meet them, I sometimes say hi, but other times pretend that I do not see them. I get too stressed to talk to them, because they awaken feelings in my life, that I don’t want to have in my life. I get reminded what happened. Some people from school who used to be close to me, who I thought were close to me, but where not. If we could not work it out, I do not see any idea on why we should talk today.
​
When I have an anxiety attack, it’s like it grows over my head, and everything is too much. If some one is there, I will try to talk with them, my boyfriend for example. Often I also shut down, need to be alone. When I have recharged with tv, I can process it again.
My ongoing anxiety feels like this feeling in the back of your head, like a little evil person sitting there, always there, just waiting for a moment to speak up.
​
Maybe what would sound more relatable, what pops to my mind is that it feels like biking in Copenhagen. You know you’re on a bike,
like you’re already in a compromised position, and you need to be aware of your surroundings, because something might happen anytime.
So you’re kinda always on your toes.
And anxiety attacks to me feels like this one biker on this really fast bike with a helmet on and bike clothing that comes out of nowhere and throws you out of your rhythm.
You’re kinda should expect it, but you never do.